What? The do-not-call program do-not-work?

I, for one, am shocked. Well, not.
I'm reading a news story, published today, about the national "do not call" list. You know, the one that prevents telemarketers from calling you. Really.
According to this report, 300,000 complaints have been filed by frustrated Canadians, against unwanted telemarketers.
The federal government has responded, sort of. In two years, it has imposed $73,000 in fines.
Here's the good bit --­ it has collected $250 of that. That probably didn't come close to covering the coffee bill for the bureaucrats assigned to the job.
I have tried to use the do-not-call list. I notice no impact at all. I still hear the blare of the ship's horn as some cruise captain or other calls to tell me I have won a cruise. I still seem to win the chance to attend a never-ending sales pitch on time-shares on a regular basis.
The news story ­-- I'm drawing from CBC.ca ­-- says that "telemarketers are barred from dialing a number once it is on the list." Well, not so much, in reality.
They are also subject to fines up to $15,000 for offending companies.
Doing the math, it would seem, then, that fewer than five companies have even been assessed maximum fines (and none paid), despite 300,000 complaints. And the Conservatives think the long gun registry in ineffective! Heck, it is a glowing example of efficiency, compared to this!
According to the report, there have been 11 fines imposed since Sept., 2008. And I love this comment: "As of March 1, no company has officially refused to pay the imposed administrative monetary penalty."
This is a brilliant approach. Let's use it ourselves, for 407 charges, taxes, speeding tickets. We accept the penalty, we never officially refuse to pay it... we just don't cough up.
In fact, more than 7 million telephone numbers have been registered with the do-not-call registry. People genuinely want to believe this will work, despite all the supper-time and Saturday afternoon evidence to the contrary.
One critic nailed it, listing all the groups that are exempt from the do-not-call registry: charities, political parties, newspapers, and businesses with a prior business relationship. Add to that businesses that don't give a flying leap, and you pretty much have a telephone ringing, all the time.
The situation is pretty clear. We ­-- I speak for at least seven million Canadians, which is a pretty heady feeling, let me tell you ­-- don't want to hear from telemarketers. But we do hear the bell tolling for us. Incessantly. Tougher measures are called for.
I'm thinking, put the callers in a room with a hundred telephones, and allow volunteers from the general public to call at whim.
Or put a tracking bracelet on the offenders, and let public volunteers call them when we know they are asleep, or eating dinner, or playing with the kids.
Or issue a referee's whistle to every phone owner, to be kept right beside the telephone, to use in the case of unwanted telemarketing.
Because hangin' up is too good for these varmints.